i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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