will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
