Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
