No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
