I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
