Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
