I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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