Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
