Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
