Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
