Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
