I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
