im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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