i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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