Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
