So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sobbing to NWA
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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