I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
