I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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