I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
