The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
