So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
