I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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