he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
