I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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