I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
