if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
