Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Damn victory sex feels great
My bed smells like the plague
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
