no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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