walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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