We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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