So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
