I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
