oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
