Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
