its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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