I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
