just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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