I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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