Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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