This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i believe in u and ur pee
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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