i permit you to call me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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