We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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