this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
