Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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