Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
