Dual....:-)
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
