If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
