I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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