I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
True strength comes from lack of pants
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
