We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
