forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
