JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
